Cheating, Not Polyamory: Recognizing Deception in Non-Monogamous Relationships
SwingersGalore Guides
On the Non-Monogamy Help podcast, Lola Phoenix discusses how some people misuse the term polyamory to cover cheating. Ethical non-monogamy requires that when trust is broken, the person responsible admits fault, apologizes, and makes amends. Without that accountability, the label is just an excuse.
One common deception is the "cowboy" or "cowgirl" situation, where someone pretends to want polyamory but actually aims to steal a partner for a monogamous relationship. The targeted partner often feels insane because they are trying to communicate openly while being met with lies and explosive reactions. Phoenix emphasizes that the victim is not the problem.
People often avoid difficult conversations that might end a relationship, which only prolongs dishonesty. This is especially harmful when major life events are involved, such as expecting a child. A partner should have discussed how other relationships would affect their shared life and the child's well-being.
It is okay to not want polyamory. No one should feel pressured into a relationship structure that doesn't suit them. Trust is essential in any relationship; a person who consistently lies and punishes questions cannot be a safe partner, regardless of the relationship model.
Lola Phoenix · Non-Monogamy Help · 25 Sep 2026
#consensualnonmonogamy
