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Gonna Make That Pleasure Last
A manual for men who ejaculate too quickly.(Part II)
Step
1
FOCUS
Masturbation
is the first key to success.
1. Find a comfortable place and time so that you will not
be disturbed.
2. Allow plenty of time so that you can relax and attend
to yourself only.
3. Begin to masturbate in your usual manner, whatever way
that might be. Some men stroke the penis up and down. Some
rub the penis on the bed, between the thighs, or between
pillows. Some lie in bed on their back, side, or stomach.
Some stand or sit, or do it in the shower. They use a light
or firm stroke, stroking just the tip or the whole shaft.
Some use a vibrator, other devices or lubricants for a variety
of stimulations. Do it your way.
4. Now, slow the process just a little, and try to focus
on the pleasurable sensations in your penis as you stimulate
yourself and as your excitement rises. With your "mind's
eye", try to pay attention to what it feels like just
before you come (at the "point of no return").
Let go and enjoy your orgasm. That's it for today. Do not
masturbate again today.
Step
2
STOP-START
A
day or two later, masturbate again under the same relaxed
conditions. This time, regardless of what your usual way
is, use just your hand.
1. Begin stimulation.
2. Stop stimulating yourself when you reach a high level
of arousal, near ejaculation. Stop for a few seconds only
but not long enough to lose your erection.
3. Then start stroking the shaft and the tip of the penis
again. Interrupt this process three times, each time your
arousal gets high. Let yourself come on the fourth time
as freely as you can.
4. During this exercise, try to concentrate on the pleasurable
feeling of your penis during excitement. Do not try to hold
back your ejaculation. Simply try to find a point of high
arousal.
5. Repeat this exercise at least every two or three days
until you become familiar with the sensations of pleasure
and rising arousal. This is the beginning of learning to
control your ejaculation. It may take some time.
6. Do not progress to the next step until you are in touch
with the sensations that you are receiving during masturbation.
Each man is different, and I cannot predict how long this
process will take.
Step
3
WET
STOP-START
Only
when you have acquired mastery of Step 2 should you go on.
This
next step is exactly the same, except that you are to use
a lubricant on your penis. Use a water-soluble, liquid lubricant.
Check with your therapist or pharmacist for suggestions.
Never use Vaseline or any petroleum-based product for sexual
purposes. The purpose of this step is to simulate the moistness
of the vagina.
Begin
to masturbate using the directions from Step 2. Only when
you are able to last for about three minutes before you
stop, are you ready for the next step. This is not an exact
measurement. Again, the main concern is to be able to concentrate
on the feeling of pleasure and not the time involved. With
patience, you will get a sense of the time.
Step
4
SLOW-FAST
This
is the same as Step 3, except that, instead of stopping
when you reach a high arousal level, you are just to slow
down the pace of your stroking. Remember to use a lubricant.
At first you may have to slow almost to a stop before you
gain control, but after a few repetitions you will catch
on and be able to vary your speed. This will be important
when you enter your partner's vagina. You will eventually
find that this technique is an important part, leading to
successful intercourse.
Step
5
STAYING
AROUSED
By
this time, you will be much more familiar with the sensations
you receive during masturbation. This step simply practices
all you have learned and is designed to allow you to enjoy
your masturbation freely. At this point, you should now
be able to employ FOCUS, STOP-START, WET STOP-START, and
SLOW-FAST, all according to your own desires. Practice these
until you are comfortable with all the variations. Regular
masturbation is the healthiest way to learn expertise. I
suggest doing the exercises at least two or three times
a week. And remember, no intercourse just yet.
Step
6
HELLO,
PARTNER
Hopefully,
you have discussed this program with your partner. It is
important that she understand that you are engaging in a
structured process that will eventually lead to greater
sexual pleasure for both of you. Now is the time for her
direct involvement.
It
is most important to set the sexual scene so that it is
relaxed and uninterrupted. No TV, no telephone, no kids.
Shower together and get into bed with the lights on low.
1. Begin your usual kissing and caressing until you have
an erection.
2. When you are erect, your partner should begin to masturbate
you. At this point, you are not to return her caresses but
simply enjoy the stimulation you are receiving, and you
are to focus on those sensations.
3. When you are highly aroused, but before you get to the
"point of no return" (you now know what that feels
like from previous steps), ask her to stop.
4. When you feel in control again, have her start stimulating
you again. Repeat this procedure three times and then freely
ejaculate.
5. Practice this step at least two or three times a week,
until you feel confident that you are gaining control with
her hand. Then repeat this step using lubricant. Again,
practice at least two or three times a week until control
is achieved.
If during practice you continued stimulation too long and
ejaculated, do not worry; you have not failed. You will
learn control. It does take time.
Don't
neglect your partner. Let her know that you are pleased
to give her sexual attention with your hand, mouth, vibrator,
or dildo, either before or after your orgasm, but continue
to refrain from intercourse.
Step
7
QUIET
VAGINA
After
you have gained control during masturbation with your partner,
it is time to learn to become aware of the sensations that
occur during penetration.
1. Begin your sexual session as usual, and have her stimulate
you until you are firmly erect but not too aroused.
2. Your partner will then sit astride you and insert your
penis into her vagina. She sits quietly without moving,
with your penis inside her. This will allow you to focus
on the feeling of being contained within her.
3. Then, with your hands on her hips, gently guide her movement
up and down to increase arousal, but have her stop movement
before the "point of no return." Have her sit
still until you calm down, but not to the point of losing
an erection. Then begin again. Repeat this exercise twice
and let yourself come on the third time.
Practice,
practice!
Step
8
THE
"T-POSITION"
When
you have gained control using the female above position,
it is now time to try another one.
1. Following your usual foreplay, your partner will lie
on her back with her legs open.
2. You will lie on your side (left or right) at approximately
a 90-degree angle to her and position yourself so that you
can penetrate her with your penis, adjusting both partners'
legs in a comfortable position.
3. Begin with penetration and no movement. Then add movement,
but stop before you are too highly aroused. Repeat this
exercise twice and let yourself come on the third time.
Practice,
practice!
Step
9
JUST
A LITTLE BIT SLOWER
After
you have gained control by stopping before you get too highly
aroused, you should now practice moving more slowly when
the arousal gets high, rather than stopping. You will be
able to do it.
You
are at the point where further refinements may be discussed
with your therapist or worked out on your own. When you
get to this point, you have begun to find sexual intercourse
a natural, relaxing, pleasurable, loving experience. Enjoy
it. You are getting to know your body and its sensations.
CHAPTER
5
Why
didn't it work?
If
you find that your control is not progressing as you hoped
it would, there may be some ways that the program is being
sabotaged. Here are a few of the possible reasons why you
are having difficulty.
1. Have you really made a commitment to doing the program
on a regular basis? Regularity is essential.
2. Are you getting anxious about failure? All learning includes
trial and error. It takes time.
3. Are you rushing on to the next step before you have really
mastered the current step? You are wasting your time and
effort. This will only create more frustration. It took
you a lifetime to get to this point Relax, learning takes
time.
4. Are you still trying to hold back your ejaculation using
the old habits that don't work? (Are you thinking about
hockey?) Remember, we are seeking to increase awareness
and enjoy, not distract.
5. Is your partner fully cooperative in the program? Does
she want you to gain control? Does she want to have satisfying
sex with you?
6. Are you providing loving sexual stimulation for your
partner's satisfaction, either before or after your exercises?
It is important that your program should not simply become
a chore for her. Remember, sex is stimulating for her too,
and there are ways to provide sexual pleasure other than
intercourse.
7. Are some non-sexual aspects of your relationship interfering
with your progress? Are you arguing about finances, the
kids, housework?
8. Are either you or your partner making excuses for not
doing the exercises? Are you bored with the program?
9. Do you really want to learn to change your behavior?
Your
therapist is there to help you with this program and you
are urged to stay in contact whenever there are questions.
Copyright
1991 2nd edition |
