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HOMEPAGE SWINGERS GLOSSARY SWINGERS HUMOR GUIDE FOR SWINGERS SWINGERS RESOURCES
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SWINGERS DOíS AND DONíTS LINK EXCHANGE SITE MAP TESTIMONIALS
SEX TOYS NUDE RESORTS AND SWINGERS COUPLES VACATIONS

SWINGERS HUMOR

A man sat at a local bar and said, "This is a special day, I'm
celebrating."

"What a coincidence," said the woman next to him. I'm celebrating, too"
she replied, clinking glasses with him. "What are you celebrating?" "I'm a
chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today
they're finally fertile."

"What a coincidence, the woman said. For my husband
and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked.

"I switched cocks," he replied.

"What a coincidence," she said.
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery- operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful, and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic.

"You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!" The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day. They both go before the angel to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in. The angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, whereupon she took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day for eternity"

The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.

The Queen took a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shook it up, and gargled. Then, she spit into the toilette and pulled the lever.

The angel said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about?" "I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She simply gargled and she got in. Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," said the angel, "but even in heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are."
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.

The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra." This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his package. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the butler, the pool man, and your brother!"

Moose hunting - Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.

They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, lets get out and get him."

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?" The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."

Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It changes their blood type

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation." The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?" The husband replies "Well not exactly, she's the one that suffers, not me."

This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big way down here in Texas." "Sure," he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?" The guy says, "No, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."

"That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife told a neighbor. "You didn't do it, did you?" "I have to admit I did -- though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!"

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight." He says, "Why's that?" She says, "Because you've been eating grass for fifteen minutes."

THE PICTURE ON THE NIGHTSTAND

After a long night of making love, this guy rolls over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on the nightstand by the bed. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he asked nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" he guy asked. Tickling his chin, she replied, "That's me before the surgery."

 
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