He Can't Get It Up?(For Women Only)
Every man has moments when
what is supposed to work, doesn't.
Often women do not understand this. Demonstrate your understanding
by being patient.
Unless there is a diagnosed medical problem, it may be only
in his mind. Generally speaking, if he still wakes up with
a hard on or is able to masturbate when alone, it is not
As men become older, their testosterone level drops. Some
lose interest in sex. Others become afraid of getting older
and a few become impotent or experience sporadic periods
For some men, it takes longer to have an erection, there
may be less ejaculate, and it takes longer between erections,
but they can still have great sex until the day they die.
It's their choice!
For most men, it is such an embarassing ordeal that they
often will turn their back on sex rather than have to admit
that they are having a problem.
Be careful not to suggest to your love partner that because
he can't get it up, there must be something wrong with you;
that you do not turn him on like you used too.
When a man is having trouble getting an erection or keeping
it up, it is usually him, NOT YOU!
The last thing he needs is something more to think about
when he is doing the best he can. Talk about it later. Never,
I repeat, NEVER talk about it while you are in the bedroom.
There is nothing that can chill a hot time more than suggesting
that something is wrong with what is going on in the moment.
How should a woman react when a man becomes impotent during
First, understand that it isn't about you! Don't take it
personally. I know. It's hard. (Pun intended). Just remember,
It can happen to the best of men.
For now. . . tell him it's okay. Hold him. Accept what he
can give. Let him know how good it feels just to be held
closely by the one you love. Cuddle. Do spoons! Spoons fit
together. So do two people who love each other.
Learn to love it flaccid. There are a lot of pleasurable
things you can do with a limp penis. Touch him gently. Offer
a wet kiss.
Initiate. If he is unable or is concerned or under stress,
you must take over if you want to continue to have fun.
Become more assertive. Encourage him to allow you to be
During relationship coaching, many men have confided that
they wish their partner would be more agressive when making
Watch a sexy movie. Whisper what "you" like in
your lover's ear. Experiment with sex toys. Vibrators are
in for men too.
Being intimate is not just about making love. Touch, kiss,
handle, lick, stroke, nuzzle, play, snuggle, pet, tongue,
hold, nestle, fondle, squeeze, fool around, hug, compliment,
notice, frolic, amuse, embrace, caress, yield with abandon,
and totally surrender.
Raise the bar! Say "yes" to each other. There
are a lot of ways to share intimacy and make sex great without
Guide his hand to your G-spot. Show him where it is. While
turning you on, he may catch some of the flame.
Good hand and mouth work will almost always assure a return
engagement as a reward for your efforts.
This may be the night you get to take care of yourself.
Taking care of yourself is the most personal thing you can
do with yourself.
If you have a secure, healthy and committed relationship
and are looking for sexual adventure, imagine the thrill
you might feel if you could allow your lover to watch while
you turn yourself on.
There is something to be said about taking the first step
while you are still afraid.
Imagine the freedom of sexual expression you may experience
if you could share your secret pleasure with him. Be brave.
Casually bring it up in a lovemaking interlude, lying quietly
Wonder aloud if he has ever fantasized about watching you
pleasure yourself. When he nods in agreement, begin to gently
touch yourself as only you can. Break the rules. Smile.
Let him discover your busy hands. Make love to yourself.
When he notices, don't stop.
With one hand begin softly stroking his penis. Titillate
your lover with gentle, slow strokes, remembering to use
enough pressure and making use of the total skin surface.
Perhaps you will begin to feel the emotions and desire swell.
(Pun intended). Most men are turned on by watching their
partner masturbate. Who knows, it may be the solution to
Before getting out of bed in the morning, take his sexual
pulse by gently touching him between his legs. If he awakens
with an erection, don't miss the opportunity.
It is not always necessary to have intercourse to have hot
sex in the bedroom. Be playful. Have fun with sex.
The mind is the greatest aphrodisiac. Use your imagination
to heat things up between you.
15 Hot Ideas for
Phenomenal Physical Intimacy!
. 1. Become a couple with unwavering commitment to doing
whatever it takes to make your overall relationship work.
Remember, problems always show up in the bedroom. If you
want great sex, never deny your partner the attention necessary
to let them know they are loved, appreciated and respected.
Relationships are something that must be worked on ALL THE
TIME, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed.
2. Have a passion for life's sexual journey and for the
processes required to go from boring to bliss in the bedroom.
Be creative with your passion. Direct it toward your partner.
Nurture it. Enjoy and revel in it.
3. Become dedicated to mutual pleasure for both you and
your love partner. Sex is fun and pleasure is good for you!
4. Learn to be intentionally spontaneous and open for the
opportunity to make love when it presents itself; during
a lunch break, in the back seat of your car or by arousing
your partner from a deep sleep in the middle of the night.
5. Perfect the ability to communicate openly and honestly
your most secret sexual desires and needs. Be responsible
for your own sexual pleasure by asking for what you need
or taking care of yourself.
6. Be willing to be a student of great sex; read about it,
study it, practice it.
7. Be mature enough to exercise the discipline to stay in
the moment when being sexually intimate. Never allow the
cares of the day to distract you. Focus on giving pleasure
to each other.
8. Be daring. . . experiment. Do things differently, try
new positions, new places, love toys and more, in agreement
with both partners, of course. Variety is the spice of a
healthy sexual relationship. Be creative! To always make
love the same old way is, in a word, BORING!!
9. Pay attention to personal hygiene. The first rule of
making love is to present a body that is tastefully clean!
10. Cultivate the generosity to consider your love partner's
pleasure before your own, or the esprit de corps to decide
whether you or your partner goes first or whether you reach
11. Have the keenness of mind to recognize the value of
making love vs. only having sex. A "quickie" now
and then is okay, however to only and always depend upon
quickies for your sexual gratification is a form of "taking
your partner for granted" and can only lead to resentment.
Make time for the time that is needed to "make love."
12. Synthesize the gusto to be energetic when making love
and aware of the sensitivity it takes to passionately lay
motionless together after engaging in sex. Enjoy foreplay,
engagement and afterglow.
13. Be courageous enough to not always take yourselves so
seriously; to laugh, to play and be playful and to experience
whatever is sexually exciting and enjoyable.
14. Learn to negotiate win/win agreements and promises about
how you will mutually care for your partner's needs in the
15. Ask for the variety of pleasure you want and deserve.
However, to force or coerce your partner to do something
they do not want to do breeds discontent and is highly disrespectful.
In this scenario, always take "No!" for the answer.
Never be afraid to ask for what you want and always demonstrate
the respect to honor your lover's right to say no without
| Copyright © 2002 - Larry James.
Reprinted with permission. - This article is adapted from
Larry's books, "How to Really Love the One You're With:
Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,"
"LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two
Hearts Dancing" and "Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers."
Author Larry James presents seminars nationally for singles
and couples. Subscribe to Larry's FREE monthly "LoveNotes
for Lovers" eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimacy.com, P.O.
Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. LarryJames@CelebrateIntimacy.com