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Why Women Fake Orgasm
The Situation
"Why are you waiting?" she asked between breaths
as he continued to thrust inside her. She could tell he
wanted to cum, the veins on his forehead shown blue, strained
as if to burst from his skin. He was sweating, intent and
flush from excitement. Women are as frustrated by this as
you.
"You first," he panted, gritting his teeth in
an attempt to control the forces taking over his body and
scrambling his mind with an excruciating need to release.
Freedom was close, so close, yet she seemed so far away
from the same. Beneath him she again pleaded, "Darling,
now! Explode! Now, now, please!"
"No," he grimaces as his body connects, within
and deeper. "You haven't cum yet. You first!"
But he doesn't know she never will. Not like this.
Inside, the pounding and fast friction for minutes at a
time have dulled the nerve endings. The only thing she feels
is a numb pounding, vaguely painful now, increasing in intensity
as each thrust crashes into her cervix. Even her clitoris
is useless, numbed too from the repetitive pounding. To
regain the feeling, she knows all must stop for at least
a half hour or longer. But she's set a precedence, too many
times before. Pressure, she's feeling it now, but not the
physical kind. The mental pressure to climax. She must do
it. Somehow she must do it!
He takes such pride in being the man able to break the "O"
barrier, to give her such pleasure and relief. He is her
savior, her deliverer to ecstasy, virile, strong and loving.
She has no desire to love another, only he. And, as concerned
for her, he's postponing his own pleasure so she too can
share.
To cum, he's insisting. An act of chivalry she both appreciates
and dreads. The harder she tries to comply, the more anxious
and further from achievement she slides. As her level of
anxiety rises, her body begins to dry. Yet another obstacle
she now must overcome as the promise of deliverance slips
further from her grasp.
These thoughts scatter about her head as he continues to
do his best to please her. She's now tired, becoming sore
and fatigued, but so wants to make him happy. Her reward?
The ear-to-ear grin and happy exhaustion he emanates, proud
in his accomplishment to once again please her. How can
she take that away from him? It's one of her favorite moments,
that satisfied grin of a happy little boy, so proud of himself
and the liquid masterpiece he's painted.
She will not take that away. Next time she'll try harder,
focus more on the tactile within. Next time. There is always
next time.
Closing her eyes, she begins the dance. The breathing, the
words, the panting, moaning and sweat. She knows the faster
she breathes, the more oxygen she takes in, and with it
her skin will glow. To a young man, not well schooled in
women, this would be enough. The proper cry, a clutch and
tensing of the leg muscles, to a young man she's cum. Take
a man with experience and he will see through this, as will
she because she now knows what it means to cum.
Pulsating within, she uses her Keigle muscles to grab at
him, pressing and releasing in quick succession. She's learn
to do this through sessions with herself and has perfected
the art to near science. She knows she can orgasm; she knows
what it feels like and has studied her body to recreate
this for him. To tell him differently, she hasn't the courage.
What's Going On?
The situation described in this story is played out by millions
of women around the world every night. It is a secret most
are too afraid to tell, yet as women we talk about it amongst
ourselves.
The media and popular culture paint achieving orgasm in
a woman as the bellwether of virility in a man. For most
adults, our first exposure to what an orgasm looks or sounds
like came in the form of movies and romance novels. In these
we are taught to moan, groan and breathe heavily. Men are
shown aggressively pumping pleasure into a woman, and she
in turn acknowledges this gratification vocally and physically.
This is what we learn, and this is what we believe.
Prior to 25 years ago, this subject was not discussed in
polite society. It was taboo and considered ill-mannered.
Today it is discussed, but it is still considered taboo
to admit to faking orgasm. Yet go to any newsstand selling
lifestyle magazines in the United States and you would be
hard pressed not to find at least one cover touting the
solution to achieving orgasm.
In 1996, when I first began writing about sexuality, I privately
interviewed 100 women (23-65) about their sexual practices,
likes and dislikes. Though not scientific, a few themes
emerged.
100% had faked orgasm at some point in their life.
81% admitted to doing so with their current partner.
29% of the married women stated they had never experienced
an orgasm either with their husband or through self-manipulation.
72% said they have never experienced an orgasm through penile
penetration alone.
Of those whom did manage to experience orgasm with a man
inside, 40% were able to do so through anal sex, and 69%
by being on top. Another method that seemed to work well
was spooning or having the man come from behind, assisted
by clitoral stimulation or bullet insertions.
The average number of years of sexual experience before
a woman experienced her first orgasm: 5 years.
The Why
So why do women fake it? There are a number of reasons as
individual as the women themselves, but a few reasons were
fairly consistent.
To spare their lovers feelings - Men are heroes to the women
that love them and the last thing most want to do is give
them a reason to feel less than superman. By faking it,
women believe the illusion of a perfect sex life can be
maintained and her lover will continue to believe he is
the best that has ever been.
. Embarrassment - There are two types of embarrassment.
The first is the amount of time it takes for most women
to reach orgasm with a partner... around 35-40 minutes.
The second is based upon credibility, even if she wants
to address the issue. How do you tell a man you've been
with for months or years that you've been faking it the
entire time?
. Didn't realize she was faking it - In Thelma & Louise,
there is a classic scene in the coffee shop where Gena Davis
comes in flush after a night of sex with Brad Pitt. She
says to Susan Sarandon, "Now I finally know what all
of the fuss is about!"
Many women truly believe they cum, based upon the build-up
sensations, which are quite powerful and titillating. Then
one day, they suddenly learn what it really is either through
happenstance, masturbation or a savvy lover. Until then,
she honestly does not realize she's been faking it.
. Not in the mood, but want to satisfy him - Part of being
a good wife is keeping your husband happy. Sometimes he's
in the mood, but she's not. By faking it, she can leave
him satisfied and fulfilled and move onto what she was doing.
. Ready to wrap it up - Like the story at the beginning
of this article, faking it is the quickest way to end the
encounter. That doesn't mean she is not enjoying herself.
Quite the contrary. It usually means she's just getting
tired, sore or has too many other things on her mind to
devote complete attention to the act and she doesn't see
herself achieving orgasm. It's a graceful exit.
. Guilt - This is where chivalry turns to guilt. She knows
her lover adores her and may even cherish the fact he will
not cum until she does. But, this places a tremendous amount
of pressure on her to perform. This pressure turns to anxiety,
the anxiety turns to panic and now she is so worked up over
having an orgasm, she can't. Since this is his policy, he
may never cum again! Out of guilt, she concedes in an effort
to satisfy him.
. Fear - Some women are just afraid to cum, or afraid they
never will. Some believe God will punish them for enjoying
sex, practicing fellatio or even self-exploration, while
others believe there is something wrong with themselves.
If everyone else can, why can't she? She's afraid to tell
you because she's afraid you will see her as flawed and
less of a woman. She believes you will stop loving her and
not want her because she can't be pleased.
Whether you think it is right or wrong, women do fake orgasm
and the reasons are as varied as the situations themselves.
But what is most important for men to understand is that
when a woman fakes it, she's not mocking or disparaging
you. In her own way, she's trying to protect you and the
relationship. It's self perpetuating, especially if the
act has become habit.
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