Singers Galore
    Why Women Fake Orgasm
    Laura Dawn Lewis, Guest Author

Why Women Fake Orgasm

The Situation
"Why are you waiting?" she asked between breaths as he continued to thrust inside her. She could tell he wanted to cum, the veins on his forehead shown blue, strained as if to burst from his skin. He was sweating, intent and flush from excitement. Women are as frustrated by this as you.
"You first," he panted, gritting his teeth in an attempt to control the forces taking over his body and scrambling his mind with an excruciating need to release. Freedom was close, so close, yet she seemed so far away from the same. Beneath him she again pleaded, "Darling, now! Explode! Now, now, please!"
"No," he grimaces as his body connects, within and deeper. "You haven't cum yet. You first!"
But he doesn't know she never will. Not like this.
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Inside, the pounding and fast friction for minutes at a time have dulled the nerve endings. The only thing she feels is a numb pounding, vaguely painful now, increasing in intensity as each thrust crashes into her cervix. Even her clitoris is useless, numbed too from the repetitive pounding. To regain the feeling, she knows all must stop for at least a half hour or longer. But she's set a precedence, too many times before. Pressure, she's feeling it now, but not the physical kind. The mental pressure to climax. She must do it. Somehow she must do it!
He takes such pride in being the man able to break the "O" barrier, to give her such pleasure and relief. He is her savior, her deliverer to ecstasy, virile, strong and loving. She has no desire to love another, only he. And, as concerned for her, he's postponing his own pleasure so she too can share.
To cum, he's insisting. An act of chivalry she both appreciates and dreads. The harder she tries to comply, the more anxious and further from achievement she slides. As her level of anxiety rises, her body begins to dry. Yet another obstacle she now must overcome as the promise of deliverance slips further from her grasp.
These thoughts scatter about her head as he continues to do his best to please her. She's now tired, becoming sore and fatigued, but so wants to make him happy. Her reward? The ear-to-ear grin and happy exhaustion he emanates, proud in his accomplishment to once again please her. How can she take that away from him? It's one of her favorite moments, that satisfied grin of a happy little boy, so proud of himself and the liquid masterpiece he's painted.
She will not take that away. Next time she'll try harder, focus more on the tactile within. Next time. There is always next time.
Closing her eyes, she begins the dance. The breathing, the words, the panting, moaning and sweat. She knows the faster she breathes, the more oxygen she takes in, and with it her skin will glow. To a young man, not well schooled in women, this would be enough. The proper cry, a clutch and tensing of the leg muscles, to a young man she's cum. Take a man with experience and he will see through this, as will she because she now knows what it means to cum.
Pulsating within, she uses her Keigle muscles to grab at him, pressing and releasing in quick succession. She's learn to do this through sessions with herself and has perfected the art to near science. She knows she can orgasm; she knows what it feels like and has studied her body to recreate this for him. To tell him differently, she hasn't the courage.
What's Going On?
The situation described in this story is played out by millions of women around the world every night. It is a secret most are too afraid to tell, yet as women we talk about it amongst ourselves.
The media and popular culture paint achieving orgasm in a woman as the bellwether of virility in a man. For most adults, our first exposure to what an orgasm looks or sounds like came in the form of movies and romance novels. In these we are taught to moan, groan and breathe heavily. Men are shown aggressively pumping pleasure into a woman, and she in turn acknowledges this gratification vocally and physically. This is what we learn, and this is what we believe.
Prior to 25 years ago, this subject was not discussed in polite society. It was taboo and considered ill-mannered. Today it is discussed, but it is still considered taboo to admit to faking orgasm. Yet go to any newsstand selling lifestyle magazines in the United States and you would be hard pressed not to find at least one cover touting the solution to achieving orgasm.
In 1996, when I first began writing about sexuality, I privately interviewed 100 women (23-65) about their sexual practices, likes and dislikes. Though not scientific, a few themes emerged.

100% had faked orgasm at some point in their life.
81% admitted to doing so with their current partner.
29% of the married women stated they had never experienced an orgasm either with their husband or through self-manipulation.
72% said they have never experienced an orgasm through penile penetration alone.

Of those whom did manage to experience orgasm with a man inside, 40% were able to do so through anal sex, and 69% by being on top. Another method that seemed to work well was spooning or having the man come from behind, assisted by clitoral stimulation or bullet insertions.
The average number of years of sexual experience before a woman experienced her first orgasm: 5 years.

The Why
So why do women fake it? There are a number of reasons as individual as the women themselves, but a few reasons were fairly consistent.
To spare their lovers feelings - Men are heroes to the women that love them and the last thing most want to do is give them a reason to feel less than superman. By faking it, women believe the illusion of a perfect sex life can be maintained and her lover will continue to believe he is the best that has ever been.

. Embarrassment - There are two types of embarrassment. The first is the amount of time it takes for most women to reach orgasm with a partner... around 35-40 minutes. The second is based upon credibility, even if she wants to address the issue. How do you tell a man you've been with for months or years that you've been faking it the entire time?

. Didn't realize she was faking it - In Thelma & Louise, there is a classic scene in the coffee shop where Gena Davis comes in flush after a night of sex with Brad Pitt. She says to Susan Sarandon, "Now I finally know what all of the fuss is about!"

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Many women truly believe they cum, based upon the build-up sensations, which are quite powerful and titillating. Then one day, they suddenly learn what it really is either through happenstance, masturbation or a savvy lover. Until then, she honestly does not realize she's been faking it.

. Not in the mood, but want to satisfy him - Part of being a good wife is keeping your husband happy. Sometimes he's in the mood, but she's not. By faking it, she can leave him satisfied and fulfilled and move onto what she was doing.

. Ready to wrap it up - Like the story at the beginning of this article, faking it is the quickest way to end the encounter. That doesn't mean she is not enjoying herself. Quite the contrary. It usually means she's just getting tired, sore or has too many other things on her mind to devote complete attention to the act and she doesn't see herself achieving orgasm. It's a graceful exit.

. Guilt - This is where chivalry turns to guilt. She knows her lover adores her and may even cherish the fact he will not cum until she does. But, this places a tremendous amount of pressure on her to perform. This pressure turns to anxiety, the anxiety turns to panic and now she is so worked up over having an orgasm, she can't. Since this is his policy, he may never cum again! Out of guilt, she concedes in an effort to satisfy him.

. Fear - Some women are just afraid to cum, or afraid they never will. Some believe God will punish them for enjoying sex, practicing fellatio or even self-exploration, while others believe there is something wrong with themselves. If everyone else can, why can't she? She's afraid to tell you because she's afraid you will see her as flawed and less of a woman. She believes you will stop loving her and not want her because she can't be pleased.
Whether you think it is right or wrong, women do fake orgasm and the reasons are as varied as the situations themselves. But what is most important for men to understand is that when a woman fakes it, she's not mocking or disparaging you. In her own way, she's trying to protect you and the relationship. It's self perpetuating, especially if the act has become habit.

Copyright © MMIII - Laura Dawn Lewis. Reprinted with permission. Laura Dawn Lewis is the Co-founder of Couples Company™, and the author of "The Sensuality Series, The Collection of Bedtime Stories for Adults™."

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